Rob's Metal-Loving Origin Story

My journey with music started in the 80s, and like most children my age, I listened to what my older sibling listened to. Scott, my brother, had a small but interesting collection of popular music on LPs and 45s, as well as cassette tapes. The music ranged from pop-soul to 80s rock, and some hair metal sprinkled in. I was content listening to his collection.

We went to Walmart one day, which was a big deal in rural Missouri. The closest one was about 30+ minutes away. I don't remember being in the store. I don't know what led to the purchase, but on the way home, I remember sitting in the hump middle seat of our 1984 Pontiac Trans Am, pestering my mother to hand me the bag that had the prize possession, the thing that begged for in the store—Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet.

I remember listening to that cassette on repeat. But truth be told, it was just two songs. You know the ones. I had been introduced to Whitesnake, Bon Jovi, and various hair metal acts, but at some point, I was exposed to Rust in Peace by Megadeth.

What an opening track!

That was a spiritual experience I can't explain. Dave's voice was like (and still is) nails on a chalkboard for most, but there was something about the tone. That guitar tone still gets me to this day.

I quickly added as much to my collection as I could. I would buy records based solely on the cover. (This pre-dates the internet folks.) Slayer. (I had to set that one aside for a while; way too satanic sounding). Death Angel. Metallica. Bolt Thrower (why do they sound like that?) And so on.

In 1990, I was a freshman at my Small Town™ high school. The summer before, I had met a girl, and by the time the school year started, I was heavily invested in this relationship. Now, I was 14 years old, mind you, but this person occupied a significant amount of space in both my real life and my heart. However, the relationship became sour over time, and this person became controlling in a way that ultimately became harmful to me. I started having suicidal ideations. I was not sure how to set boundaries in a healthy way, my only escape was Danzig.

Yeah, you heard that correctly. The overly campy Danzig gave me some emotional respite. The song Tired of Being Alive had this lyric:

And I'm tired of being alive
Spite of the bleeding

There was something about the timbre of his voice. That line stood out to me and extracted from me all the negative feelings I was harboring. I put that song on repeat and slept to it for many nights. And to this day, I credit this song for saving my life, as it gave the space for me to feel the feelings I had, but also provided a way out of them. I am forever grateful to those who spent the time writing, performing, and producing that album, as it gave me healing that I didn't know I needed; healing that I didn't know how to achieve.

Once I found that music was a safe space to experience my feelings my passion for metal only grew from there.